Guilt versus Shame

We carry lots of emotions around on a daily basis . Sometimes short lived and others long term. But what are we carrying around? Is it guilt or shame? What is the difference? Websters’ defines guilt as “a bad feeling caused by knowing or thinking that you have done something bad or wrong”. It defines shame as “a feeling of guilt, regret, or sadness that you have because you know you have done something wrong”. So, what is the difference? Guilt is based on an action while shame is who you believe you are. For example, when you lie to a friend/partner or cheat on a spouse/mate or maybe even decide not study and fail an exam. The outcomes of all these examples are based on behaviors and none of these instances are defining actions. It does not mean you are a liar, or a cheater or a failure. The problem arises when you began to carrier these emotions around long term. When this is done the outcome is a feeling a shame. To delve even further brings out the belief that not only do you become what you have done, but you also assume that others know what you have done. This is not the case. What happens is that you allow your deep shame to be so transparent that you give off an obvious aura that its exact nature might not be apparent to an observer, but the weight that you carry around distracts, deters and misleads others from your true character. You began to attract others that carry shame. Misery does love company. Now these two heavy hearts continue to inquiry about each other’s heaviness, while really never trying to find a remedy but rather an enabler. Who or what are you attracting? Don’t let what you do, or did, define who you are. When you allow circumstances to label you, you confine your potential. Confining your potential limits your possibilities. Limiting your possibilities lead to a life that is unfulfilled and full of regrets. Guilt is pervasive because we are not perfect. We will make mistakes over and over and over. But the great thing is that these are actions. Webster’s defines actions as “a thing done”. Done meaning something in the past. Let mistakes right where they belong: in the past. Forgive yourself, and move on. Think better, do better and be better. It is the journey of life. Not just for you but for all of us.

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